


And the Brain Cell Wasn't There

by JoyfulOmens (IDontHaveACleverQuip)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Everyone Thinks They're Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Oblivious Crowley (Good Omens), basically crackfic, they're both idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22789591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDontHaveACleverQuip/pseuds/JoyfulOmens
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley have known each other for 6000 years. While they have yet to realize it, they share but one brain cell among them and must take turns with having any sense, leading to all varieties of shenanigans that otherwise would have been avoided. And then there are other days, where neither of them has the brain cell.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 13





	And the Brain Cell Wasn't There

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katieof0z](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katieof0z/gifts).
  * Inspired by [You left your diary at my house](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21403852) by [Katieof0z](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katieof0z/pseuds/Katieof0z). 



> After finishing this pff, it occurred to me it'd be GREAT if we saw Crowley's side too! And I'd planned to make it a two shot, but things happened and i didn't get to write my plans down and I have absolutely NO idea what I was gonna do next here XD; So It's going to stay as a oneshot. Sorry folks

Aziraphale had been cleaning out his bookshop (read: moving around the mess to further thwart any attempts of potential customers to buy his precious books) when he came upon something unusual. It was a book. While a book in his shop, especially one so obviously well loved and worn, wouldn’t appear out of place to anyone else who entered the angel’s safe haven, Aziraphale knew his inventory, and this book wasn’t in it. 

“Now where on earth did you come from?” he questioned the small tome, picking it up from where it had gotten wedged between the couch and the wall. A faded black leather cover, peeling slightly at the corners greeted him. Well loved indeed, but nothing on the cover to suggest what could possibly be inside.

Well…Aziraphale did enjoy reading.

Settling himself in his favorite armchair, his previous rearrangement already forgotten, Aziraphale opened the book to a random page, revealing a handwritten note. So it was a journal, then? “Ehem. Dear A,” Oh, a letter? He really shouldn’t...Aziraphale glanced around the shop ensuring he was still on his lonesome before continuing to read, wearing the smile of a child who knew they were being particularly naughty. 

“My dearest, my life. There are no words for how much I love you. With you, life is greater than a million eternities. I would face Heaven and Hell for the chance to stay by your side.” Aziraphale gave an excited wiggle, his thoughts lingering on how he’d done just that for Crowley, not long before. 

“I will wait for you, however long you need. I will wait for you, my love, for the day we can be among the stars together.” Aziraphale felt himself brimming with secondhand love from the author when his eyes landed on the final line. “Yours forever... _Crowley!?_ ”

–

Aziraphale paced restlessly back and forth in the backroom of his shop. If he’d been shocked at learning the beautiful letter, obviously a love note, had been written by _Crowley_ , it was nothing compared to how frazzled he was now after reading the entire thing. “Checking for demonic plans, obviously,” or “Couldn’t possibly be _my_ Crowley who wrote this!” he’d insisted to himself periodically, but the latter had been proven most definitely false. A message in the front of the book had a request to ‘if found, return to Anthony J. Crowley’. The former…

Aziraphale gave a whine and sat back down for a moment, only to get up and start pacing again. The journal had mentioned a few demonic plans that Crowley had pulled off in the past, but the rest of it… love letters. Over and over. His dear demon pledging his love and devotion to someone identified as nothing more than ‘A’. 

Aziraphale couldn’t hardly believe it. Crowley was in love! The angel could feel the emotion wafting up from every roughly scratched word on the journal’s pages. Aziraphale knew he should be happy Crowley had surpassed the demonic stereotype to never love, and he _would have_ been so very happy to have learned this in any other circumstances, but he found himself completely heartbroken instead. Because Crowley was in love, and completely infatuated...with someone else.

–

Anathema Device hadn’t left America with the intention of settling down in England, much less in the tiny Oxfordshire village of Tadfield, but then again, she hadn’t really planned for anything after the apocalypse. With the world saved and Agnes’ second book of prophecies destroyed, Anathema had found herself happily settling down with one Newton Pulsifer in a recently purchased Jasmine cottage. In addition to moving halfway around the world, she’d also become a periodic babysitter to the former antichrist and his best friends, and somehow a confidant for a book loving angel. Life had gotten completely off the rails since the end of the world. All in the daily life of Anathema Device. 

Newt, meanwhile, tended to take things significantly less in stride than his fiance, but his logical mind was gradually adapting to the weirdness of the world. So while Anathema was practicing occult wiles, Newton had been preparing tea in the kitchen and just happened to be in the precise and accurate place to spy an emotional angel charing up the front walk towards the cottage doors.

Newt hurried to open the door before Aziraphale could crash into it, or miracle it to who knows where (as Crowley sometimes did when in a hurry). Aziraphale didn’t even hesitate at the action, just continuing his way inside. 

“What’s wrong?” It didn’t escape Newt’s notice that Aziraphale was alone. “Did something happen to Crowley?”

“Well…it’s nothing really! I just… is Anathema home, dear?”

Newt nodded before leading the way to his future wife. “Anathema? We have a guest.”

Anathema looked up from where she was buried deep in an ancient tome Aziraphale would be dying to get his hands on if he didn’t already know it was a fourth edition of a book he already owned several copies of and only looked old due to poor care. Sometimes that woman really perturbed him with her book care, or lack thereof, but there wasn’t really anyone else he had to speak to aside from Crowley and given the subject matter that really wouldn’t be appropriate.

“What’s up? Is the world ending again?” The occultist paused and looked around curiously before making eye contact with Newt, gaining a shrug in return. “Where’s your…” She dropped the sentence unsure how to finish it. It’d been a few years since the apocalypse and she still wasn’t sure what Aziraphale and Crowley were to each other. “Where’s Crowley?”

The angel sighed and began fidgeting with his pinky ring. “Not here, thankfully. I’ve just found out the most dreadful news and I… I wasn’t sure how to handle it I suppose. Just rushed right over, hah.” Aziraphale swallowed, his forced smile sliding back off again. “Er. It’s just. Oh here!” And then he shoved a book at Anathema. Newt took notice that it must've been a journal of some sort, as the words looked handwritten and the cover contained no discerning marks. 

Anathema examined the book’s cover, then the page that Aziraphale had marked, “ _Crowley_ wrote this?” Taking her time to read the message gave Newt the opportunity to read her facial expressions, leaving him more confused than before. 

“I know, I had the same reaction.” Aziraphale nodded, and began to pace. “It’s so unlike him to read, much less write, you know. And I know I should be happy for him. Love letters! Can you imagine my surprise! I should be ecstatic and yet-” 

“And yet?” Anathema prodded as she flipped through the journal, pausing occasionally to read another of the many love letters filling the unassuming black book. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to her. She held the book out more so Newt could read some of the letters over her shoulder. He shrugged as well. 

Aziraphale gave what could only be called a whine and sat himself down on a nearby sofa, absolutely defeated. “He’s in love with _someone else_.”

“Wait, what?” Anathema and Newt exchanged a rapid look of confusion before flipping through the journal again. Every entry was listed as ‘Dear A’ and nothing more. A. That meant Aziraphale, didn’t it? 

“Someone named _A_. Oh, you don’t think it’s a demon, do you? I mean, I suppose it’s rude to just assume they’re all terrible, Crowley certainly isn't you know. He’s kind and caring and- but he wouldn’t be interested in another _demon_ , would he?” Aziraphale stared at the two humans as if they could answer all his questions. Anathema opened her mouth but found herself speechless.

Newt attempted to answer for her. “It says ‘A’ though, wouldn’t that be short for _angel_?” Crowley’s beloved pet name for Aziraphale would surely knock some sense into the principality wouldn’t it?

Except no. Aziraphale now looked more panicked than when armageddon was underway. “You think he’s in love with an angel?!” The _angel_ jumped to his feet and began pacing again. “Oh dear. But who? Couldn’t be Gabriel, could it? I suppose he is rather…” Aziraphale glanced down to his own noticeably soft belly. “Oh dear. This. This is the opposite of good news! This is terrible, what do I do?”

“Aziraphale, calm down.” Anathema stood handing the journal to Newt. “Of course it’s not Gabriel. Wouldn’t it make more sense-”

“Aha, so you see it too! Gabriel would be a rotten choice for Crowley.”

“Aren’t they already married or something?” Newt whispered to Anathema who could only stare in disbelief.

“Right! That’s settles it then, thank you for your time, dear girl! I’ve got to get to the bottom of this! If Crowley is in love with an angel there’s no telling what he might let them do to him!” Aziraphale tittered in panic and barely gave a wave to the human couple before miracling himself away.

Newt gave a nervous laugh and handed the diary, still in his hands, to Anathema. “I don’t want to insult an angel or a demon but…”

“Yeah…They’re really that stupid.” Anathema flipped through the diary again, wondering how long it would take before one of the two supernatural idiots stopped by to reclaim it.

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty Stupid, huh? ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
> 
> \--  
> You can also find me on [tumblr](https://quiponmain.tumblr.com/) and my [discord server](https://discordapp.com/invite/G6vPRmn), feel free to stop in and chat!


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